Wednesday, September 30, 2009

A change would do me good....

So I'm not a fan of self portraits, but I think this hair cut has given me a little bit of confidence to be down right silly.  Oh and yes, I did get my hair cut and straighten.  It is soo Nice and Easy...Squeezy Breezy!
It was time for a change.  Not just the hair. But me as a whole.
The first thing I changed was my physical activity.
I got a membership at the Y, and started taking bodyshop classes.  I'm also taking Kickboxing and starting next week...ZUMBA.  Nothing screams get in shape like knowing that your sister is having a summer wedding which means cute dresses!  I'll be honest, health has nothing to do with this motivation.  I want to be sexy.  I want to be confident.  I want to wear the cute stuff my friends are wearing.  Now, I promise, this blog wont turn into a "Help me I'm losing weight" site.  Kudos to those who do that.  But I just cant.  I know why I'm overweight.  Its because I put the spoon past the lips and it all traveled to the hips.  The other thing I am working on is my anger.  Wow, I have a lot of it.  I'm not really sure where it all stems from.  OK, now that's not right... it stems from me, because I choose to be angry.  For those who don't know, I am homeschooling my 2 girls this year.  I don't like it.  I, in fact, hate it.  You know why?  Because it is taking MY time.  Because its enormous pressure to feel like you have to defend yourself all the time, or just because, well, you stand out.
Well, as I told a friend of mine today, I have anger, but God has grace.  Alot of it...Overflowing.  I don't know how God speaks to you, but God does this "slap me upside the head" kind of communication with me.  You know how Oprah has AHA moments..well I have DUH moments from God.  Now, He doesn't tell me "duh, you idiot, you should do this."  Its a revelation from him, followed by me saying..."OHHH thats what you meant".  Let me share with you how he revealed why I am doing homeschooling.
I was sitting with my girls and they were working on spelling.  Now, my oldest has no problem with spelling, to be honest, school comes very easy for her.  But my youngest.  Oh, my youngest struggles. Its not intellectually struggle, its a confidence struggle.  She is so afraid to embarrass herself, that she doesn't want to say anything at all, in fact, if there is any reason to make her think she has done something wrong, well, she checks out.  It usually ends bad for both of us, because I'm telling her..." its just us, just do it." and she clams up even more.  I don't know if I just had more patience today, or if someone was praying(maybe one in the same) but I spent more one on one time with the girls.  When I got to Casi, I spent more time with hers spelling words and showing her how to really commit the words to memory.  We did our practice verbal test, and she remembered all of them. Then we did a practice written test. Usually she misses most, if not all the words.  But she missed only one out of 10 and her face lit up.  I mean, its like the missing link had finally been found. And then God slapped me upside of my head.  "That's why you are homeschooling.  She is finally feeling smart".  Wow.  Who likes to be the dumb kid?  I was the dumb kid at school. Afraid of having the wrong answer.  Afraid that everyone would make fun of me.  Not fun.  Not fun at all.
If homeschooling brings that glimmer of hope in my baby's eyes like it did today, then I'm ok with using my time for her.  She's worth it.


Jamie Lynn said...

What a wonderful post....I was a lot like your daughter in school, and with 10 years of teaching experience- one on one time is great for her and lots of praise! As far as your haircut- it looks nice! I like it and congrats and good luck with the kick boxing class~ I'm doing weight watchers and I love it! You are blessed and homeschooling is a good thing for your children! You go girl! Have a great day!

Jocelyn said...

Love the hair...I sure hope mine looks good too. I am really getting nervous as 5 gets closer:-( Good job Casi...give her a big squeeze for me!!!

The Smith's said...

I'm so thankful for your honesty and guts to be vulnerable! We all have struggles and issues (lots of them) and if only we all would let down the pride and admit it, be real, and quit trying to do it on our own. Homeschooling is not the easy road and I commend you for pulling up your boot straps and tackling such a difficult task. Great job with the exercise! It's not fun to do but the benefits are soooo worth it! Just don't quit, ask Him for the strength and motivation to keep at it, and you'll succeed. I love ya and miss ya!
G :)