Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Do you ever get a feeling that you were meant to do more than what you are doing...right at this very sec? That's how I feel right now. I have these feelings every once in a while and the more I stew about it, the more down I get. Maybe because I feel very out of control when I get these feelings. I'm usually very spontaneous, but on my terms. But becoming a mom has made me more of a planner. So I don't like surprises. Life changing surprises. I want to know what, when, where and how...as in... how much did that cost us? I'm just longing for... more. Don't misunderstand me. I am in love with my family, and my job as a mother is rewarding in so many ways... I've lost count of the blessings. But its deeper than that. I had a good cry on the phone this morning with my mom about being so frustrated that I want to know so badly what He has waiting for us. My chest feels sometimes as if I'm going to explode waiting to hear from Him. My old plan has always been, "well, this would honor God, so this must be the route he wants us to go" only to find out, that had I waited, the road had been to the same destination, but the route would have been a little easier...or better yet,waiting would have gotten us much better results. I learned that lesson a few months ago. I continue to remind myself to be still and know that He is God. He is God of the universe. He knew me before I drew a single breath.
I am created in His likeness. His love is deeper than a human mind will ever understand. Yet after all these things that I know in my heart, I want Him to do things my way. How human of me. Yet, after I say all these things, I hear as only a heavenly Father can say..."wait for me." All I can say as only I can say it...ok... but its hard.

1 comment:

Jocelyn said...

Don't lose heart! God is there...I totally understand about wanting to know when, where, how, and why!